The Rise of Situationships in Africa
All across African towns and cities, something has quietly shifted in how people love. Relationships don’t follow the usual script anymore. A lot of young Africans now find themselves in connections that feel real, but don’t have a name. You spend time together, text all the time, and maybe even sleep over. Someone might say ‘I love you,’ but the moment you ask what you mean to each other, it all falls silent.
It’s not casual. But it’s not exactly serious either. It’s a situationships. And right now, it’s everywhere. This didn’t happen for no reason. It’s linked to what life feels like now, the pressure, the confusion, the way identity and love are shifting across the continent. Here’s why so many people are ending up in this space that’s somewhere between something and nothing.
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1. Financial Constraints
In many African cultures, dating comes with financial expectations. You’re meant to cover airtime, transport, meals, and if it gets serious, even bride price or a wedding. But a lot of young people are jobless, hustling, or stuck in unstable work. A relationship starts to feel like a financial burden. Even asking someone out regularly feels like too much when you’re trying to survive. So some choose something that doesn’t cost much to maintain. They feel deeply. But love begins to look like a luxury, something to save for when life gets a little less heavy.
2. Emotional Self-Protection
Many people are guarding themselves. They’ve been ghosted. Lied to. Left behind. So they stop asking for more. They act like they’re not expecting anything. But somewhere deep down, they still hope the other person will show up differently. They feel it, but each one is waiting for the other to say it out loud. So everyone acts like they don’t care, just to stay safe. And while trying to protect their hearts, they still end up hurting anyway.
3. Social Pressure
Defining a relationship in most African communities brings attention and questions. As soon as you call it a relationship, everyone starts asking when marriage is coming. Have you met their family? Some people don’t want that kind of pressure. Not because the love isn’t real, but because they’re not ready to invite outsiders into it. So they avoid calling it anything. The label starts to feel heavier than the actual relationship. It’s just easier to keep it between the two of you, even if it’s real.
4. Urban Transience
Whether it’s Nairobi, Accra, Cape Town, or Kampala, people are always in motion, chasing what’s next. Jobs, school, opportunities, everything changes quickly. When life feels unstable, it’s hard to make long-term promises. You don’t know where you’ll be in a few months or what your life will look like. So instead of planning for the future, people connect for the present. Situationships give a kind of closeness that doesn’t need forever, just right now.
5. Swipe Culture
Dating apps have made it simple to connect with someone new, sometimes within minutes. But that ease has made connections feel more disposable. It’s easy to move on when another chat is one swipe away. When it gets uncomfortable, people don’t stay to mend it. They quietly slip away. People don’t stay long enough to build something real. It becomes less about growing together and more about chasing chemistry. You end up talking to so many people, but not connecting with any of them.
6. Fear of Rejection
Asking “What are we?” feels risky. People are scared of hearing “You’re doing too much” or “I’m not looking for anything serious.” Both hearts are hoping for more, but silence wins every time. Everyone stays quiet, pretending they’re okay. In the end, both just wait, and neither gets what they need. It’s not that people don’t want clarity. They’re scared of being the one who feels more, who wants it more. So everyone suffers silently.
7. Healing in Progress
A lot of people are still healing from past relationships, family trauma, or things they never really got over. Some are focused on work, school, or survival. With everything going on, being in a full relationship just feels heavy. So they choose something light. But even then, the heart still gets involved. It’s not always about being unsure about the other person; sometimes, you’re just unsure about yourself.
8. Media Influence
Social media and music have made undefined love feel normal. All around you, it’s people just vibing, chasing the soft life, or stuck in endless talking stages that never become more. We joke about it, but behind the scenes, people want something more. The idea of “just chilling” has replaced actual dating. Romance has become content. Not commitment. Everyone is watching, laughing, and liking, but nobody is trying.
9. Lack of Models
Some people never saw healthy love growing up. They saw couples stay together without any real happiness. Or relationships fall apart in front of them. So when they get into something now, they don’t know what to aim for. Most of them are still guessing, because no one ever showed them what love is supposed to feel like. Situationships feel safer. When you’ve only known control, silence, or pain, something soft without a label feels less scary.
10. Avoiding Vulnerability
Some people would rather stay in something vague than risk being hurt. They say, “Let’s not rush,” or “I’m not ready for anything serious,” but still keep showing up. They do relationship things without ever calling it one. It feels safer to love halfway than to go all in and lose. But even halfway love still breaks your heart; it just takes longer. You start to believe you’re okay with less, until you realize you’re not.
A Mirror of the Moment
Situationships aren’t just about love. They’re about everything this generation is carrying. Pressure. Trauma. Fear. Hope. We’re trying to love while healing. Trying to stay close while protecting ourselves. We want to be loved without having to lose who we are to keep it. So we end up in this space that feels warm, but uncertain. Not quite heartbreak. Not quite home.
Final Thought
Situationships are rising not because people don’t care, but because they’re careful. Everyone’s trying to figure out how to love while life keeps shifting around them. But even in the confusion, we still deserve the truth. We deserve to be clear. To be chosen. To not keep guessing. If it’s not mutual, walk away. If you care, say it. Stop acting like you don’t feel it. Love isn’t supposed to be this blurry. And neither are you.
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